blog 7 i am lost on myself but am clear about the destination

I find it difficult to identify myself as an individual, because some tricks are covering my eyes behind the scene and they are really unnoticeable if I do not calm down myself and keep a close eye onto it. Even if I work a lot on my brain, I still get confused and ignorant when I face the unknown.

To make things easier, I ask myself: who am I? Where am I from? Where will I go?

For the first question, I cannot find any evidence to prove who I am. In terms of substances, I am made from atoms. Uncountable atoms form every part of me, or not me, but every single cell. You may say a person not only has his physical part, but also has his emotion. It seems to be a perfect division for an individual, but in my opinion, physicality is the mother of mind. When it comes to mind, I believe that mind is only an outcome of the forming of certain atoms. People are conditioned by the environment. For an individual, it has five senses, and it responds to outside by reacting to what the body senses. Hence, special materials come into being and function in the near or far future, which shape the characteristic of an individual. So here I want to clarify that an individual is undividable, at least it cannot be divided in terms of physicality and mind, noting that mind is resulted from chemical reactions of the atoms. All of the stimulations from the outer environment make who we are, so we are not ourselves, but the reflection on the environment. So we can just say we are the environments. Imagine, if we only live in a small room with nothing inside, we are just the creatures who have no awareness of the things apart from that small room. If we live in such a big world that we can encounter a lot, we will react to more things as time goes by and the habits store in our brains by forms of substances and then passed to descendants by DNA. This causes a very long time, but it proves that the environment determines people.

Next question, where am I from? I am from everywhere, for the truth that I eat beef and the atoms consisting of the very beef may comes from a cow or an ox, or neither of them, but the grass the cow or the ox consumed when they were alive.

As for the fact that we keep changing for each millisecond and never stop this process for a break, and that each cell from us has a living period after which it will disintegrate and diminish, we are never the persons who are the ones from a second before, so we are from every time. It is easy to evaluate a person by referring to the way he has behaved before, but it can never be a correct result. Memory always gets in the way of logically thinking, and it contributes to our bias and mistakes. For one thing, memory is not as accurate all the time as a piece of word recording on the paper, it can fade in our brains and sometimes hard to recall. For another thing, memory itself has drawbacks. Our memory isn’t based on universal theorem but in a lot of cased only based on what we have seen or heard, because of this, the information we get from the context is automatically processed and analyzed by our brains and later on become a objective information, which may differ greatly from the exact meaning in that context.

Where will I go? I previously mentioned that I am from everywhere and there is no evidence proving my existence, but in the real world people do not pay much attention to such a stupid question and always stress the identity on individuals. So let me assume that there am a me existing in this strange world. I would not like to meet with the expectations from parents or teachers, who all the time tell me to do this or that, or should live what kind of life in the future, to buy a car or go after some heated jobs. I think that superficial things do not make sense to me; if there am a me living in this strange world. The more a person focus on material things, the less he will understand his identity. I always hold the idea that life is a lifelong journey on finding myself. So I will go to a place where I show up in the form of spirit.

The question comes back again: since I said my emotion comes later than the substances because emotion are determined by the way how substances combine together, so is it ridiculous when I say I want to reach a place where my spirit lies?

Life is a game, a game where people unceasingly change their attentions onto things. People focus on their own attention, worry about manyships, and always address “I” before too many things. ”I think…I believe…I want…I would like…” People always believe they are key players in this game. However, this game is not played by people, and people are never to be the main players. This game, to some extent, is played by some existence beyond human being’s knowledge. Again coming up with the question, do people have the knowledge? We have not identified ourselves, then how can we name the knowledge? A set of rules have been predominately used to shape this strange world, and we, the human beings, are just the rabbits in the hat of a magician’s.